??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
