Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It's blow job season.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
