Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
