Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
