Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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