Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
