I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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