Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
