I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just high enough for therapy.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
