You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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