I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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