Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
