What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
