i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
