her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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