I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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