I checked into jail on foursquare
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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