I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
