people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs