Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call