We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
