She announced her abortion via fbk
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.