so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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