tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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