i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
