break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
