doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
