I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
