Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
