That's when you crack a 10am beer
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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