i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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