You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
