Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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