The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
