I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
