dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
