Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
