Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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