I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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