and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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