The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
