Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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