I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
