I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
