dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
