Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
