You're a womanizer and a bitch.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
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Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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