either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm sobbing to NWA
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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