i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
