took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
