she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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