my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
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Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
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I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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