I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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