Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
