i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
