Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
