is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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