Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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