pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
