doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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