do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
What a dumb baby whore.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
