Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
