he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I intend to get homeless drunk
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
