apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
